Trust is a complicated concept. Trust can seem deceptively simple but this is a misnomer.
When I was in high school, I thought I could trust all of my family and girlfriends. But over time, I realized that some individuals are worthy of your trust and some are not. Then I evolved to the exact opposite and became very wary. People had to prove to me first that they were worthy of my trust. If someone spoke behind my back, made up stories or any other perceived action that I felt was a violation, I took this as this individual was no longer worthy of my trust. Then, if someone wanted to get together, I would then be busy or just step away from the friendship all together.
You see, my number one value is trust so when trust is broken, or even compromised in my opinion, I am really shaken to the core. Over the years, I have learned that trust is not this simple. There have been times in my lifetime when I have not been the most trustworthy person as I could have been in certain situations. Trust has sometimes been in that gray area because of other circumstances I perceived were involved. Now when I feel someone has done something that made me think I could no longer trust them, I turn this realization into an area of exploration of myself. I now look deeper into why that triggered my feelings so I can pinpoint what I need to work on more in myself.
As I have aged, I realize that trust starts from within. I have to trust myself before I can truly trust another. When I trust myself, others actions don’t affect me as much. I am more true to myself and less shaken by others decisions. This doesn’t mean that I am no longer hurt by others, but it does mean that I bounce back quickly realizing I can’t change others or what they choose to say or do. I can only be responsible for what I say or do. Trust can’t be forced on another. After all, is it really humanly possible to know what another is thinking or planning to do? Intuitively, I might know that something is off – but I don’t know for sure at that moment.
For the most part, I trust myself that I am a good communicator. I also am a good instructor. I am often told by my students that they understand what I am teaching. Or that I have a way of instructing that makes it understandable and achievable. This makes me feel good but it also makes me more solid in the trust of myself as an instructor.
The bottom line here is that if you don’t trust who you are, what you do, decisions you make or people you interact with regularly, you will not find it within yourself to trust others. But when you have reached a point that you trust yourself in most all situations, you will experience a calmness of the mind and peace within that gives you strength of knowing.